


Resilience: Stronger Together

by Jaymieleigh80



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Adolescent Sexuality, Angst, Coming Out, Coming of Age, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Friendship/Love, Growing Up, Growing Up Together, M/M, Teenagers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-01
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-02 07:42:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17260274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaymieleigh80/pseuds/Jaymieleigh80
Summary: A multi-chapter fic that will explore the deepening relationships among the core characters (Andi, Buffy, Cyrus, Jonah and T.J.) as well as focusing on the struggles they are forced to navigate. Told in 5 Chapter sections with each chapter told from the perspective of one of the characters, all relating around common theme.





	1. Night Time Thoughts: Andi

Night Time Thoughts: Andi

  


Andi sighed, turning over in bed restlessly to look at the alarm clock on her bedside table. The blue, glowing numbers read 12:38 a.m. She needed to sleep, wanted to sleep - wanted to do anything really - to escape the torrent of thoughts that refused to stop cycling through her brain. She kept picturing Jonah’s face in front of her, remembering the look of what could only be described as sheer terror when she talked about one of them dating someone else. And then he was gone, practically running to get away from her, before she could even think of something to say back to him. She couldn’t believe how quickly he had moved on. It hurt. A lot. But the moment the hurt would start to sink in, the second the tears threatened to make their presence known, she would forcefully shove them back down, deep inside, along with a million other emotions she didn’t know how to process. 

The problem was that Andi knew, in many ways, her pain was self-inflicted. She had been the one to tell Jonah first that she just wanted to be friends. She was the one who spent most of the summer analyzing every thought she had about him, and relishing the fact that when he wasn’t around, the world felt a whole lot less complicated. It wasn’t that she felt nothing for Jonah - far from it in fact. It was more that the pressure to be the kind of girl who dated Jonah Beck was too much for her. She wanted to own who she was, to stand firm in her ideas and beliefs, to not care what people thought. And being his girlfriend, bearing the weight of that title and everything it stood for - well it made her act like someone she wasn’t. She was constantly worried about what he (and everyone else around them) was thinking about what she said, what she did, heck even what she wore (since when did she care what people thought of her clothing? She started trends out of nowhere for goodness sakes!). And so for the second time since they met, she made the decision that being herself was more important. The only problem was that the second time was so much harder than the first. She had started to see flickers of true depth in Jonah’s character, to observe that below the surface, there was more to him than the popular athlete with the devastating dimples. She had always felt that he held back when it came to who he really was. She knew next to nothing about his family - he never talked about them and she was always too nervous around him to inquire herself. 

Something about his countenance had changed though, right around the time he started hanging out with Bowie at the Red Rooster - Andi still had no idea how that even happened. How, exactly, did Jonah end up in the guitar shop that her Dad worked at as his sudden musical protege? Out of nowhere Jonah had this incredible voice and an insane talent for playing guitar and wrote songs that made her want to cry and kiss him all at once? 

She shook her head from her reverie. She felt pulled in half. Half of her wanted to stand on her own two feet and figure out who she was - that was the part of her that had pushed for the no break up break up. But the other half of her was dying inside at the thought of Jonah with another girl. How fair was that? She couldn’t say that she didn’t want him but be upset when someone else did! But she was. She was just starting to truly enjoy herself around him, to let go of the anxiety and be herself without fear, and she felt like he was starting to let her in….until today. Now she felt as if she’d never be at peace with any decision she made concerning Jonah, and that was beyond maddening. 

Andi picked up her phone, mindlessly searching for a distraction, and opened her text message chain with Buffy. She started to type, knowing that Buffy would wake up and answer her. Until she read the last exchange they had shared:

Buffy: Why didn’t you come?

Andi: Something came up.

Buffy: (sad face memoji)

  


The date read 1 WEEK ago. 1 Week. She couldn’t remember when she’d ever gone a week without texting Buffy. They were hanging in there at school, faking it - for Cyrus and for themselves, but there was tension. Definite tension. Andi put her phone down, and against her will, the hot tears started to fall as she realized how incredibly alone she felt. 


	2. Night Time Thoughts: Cyrus

Night Time Thoughts: Cyrus

Cyrus wakes up with a start, sweat drenching the neck of his t-shirt. He is breathing erratically, gulping the cool air as he tries to regain his composure. “I’m SO over this fucking nightmare” he thinks as he takes more deep breaths to try and rid himself of the sick, twisted feeling in the pit of his stomach. It doesn’t work. He bolts to the toilet in his en suite bathroom, the bile rising in the back of his throat as he heaves the remains of his dinner into the toilet. Wiping at the corners of his mouth, he lays down on the bathroom floor, pressing his cheek to the cold tile. He wants to cry, he wants to scream, he wants to punch the wall - and Cyrus isn’t one to resort to violence, so that’s saying something. 

He has been having the same dream over and over for close to two weeks now and it is taking a toll on him - physically and mentally. In the dream, Cyrus is standing towards the back of the Jefferson Middle School basketball court - he can hear nothing but the raucous screaming of students, cheering for Jefferson as they make basket after basket. Suddenly the screaming turns to laughter, and Cyrus looks around frantically. The poster board signs that dotted the crowd with witty slogans and messages of school spirit only moments before suddenly bear expressions of hate and homophobia. He closes his eyes, but the words have razor-sharp edges that cut deep into his heart. FAG. HOMO. FREAK. 

Distraught, Cyrus innately looks for Buffy or Andi, they are his safe space to fall. At first, he can’t find them. He spots Buffy first, in the stands to his left, trying desperately to get to him but blocked by infinite rows of students. The tears are streaming down her face as she points across the gym to Andi. He looks to his right and he sees her, a similar look of panic sweeping across her features. Neither of them are able to get to him and he doesn’t know which of them to run to - his feet seem to be rooted in place. Cyrus scans the court and locks eyes with T.J. - the revulsion upon his face is so intense that there is no question as to how the older boy feels. Each night this is where Cyrus awakens, the dream gone but the terrible feelings still horrifically present. 

Some nights are easier - the deep breathing helps, he is able to talk himself off the ledge and calm his racing pulse. He is nearly never able to get back to sleep, but he at least can distract himself by listening to music or journaling until dawn. On the bad nights though, the darkness and fear win and his mind and body wage war against one another. On these nights he is never more grateful that he has a bedroom with his own bathroom, tucked away on the other side of the staircase from his mother and step-father. There is usually vomiting, shaking and sobbing. There is no part of him that wants his therapist parents to find out about these secret struggles - first because they will worry and he sees no need to put anything more on their already full plates, and second because he will always assume that as therapists they are psycho-analyzing his behavior. He doesn’t want to be yet another problem for them to fix. 

Physically exhausted but his mind wide awake, Cyrus pushes himself up off of the bathroom floor. He brushes his teeth to rid his mouth of the terrible acrid taste, and then grabs his headphones from his desk, plugging them into his phone in an attempt to drown out the noise in his head. He curls up on his bed, glancing through his blinds at the moonlight that casts silver stripes across his comforter. 2 a.m. has never felt more lonely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Cyrus...and I think he's so selfless. But I also think that he battles a lot of demons on his own. At least for now ;)  
> I don't own the characters, I just get to play in their Universe.


	3. Night Time Thoughts: Buffy

Night Time Thoughts: Buffy

WB 10:22pm: Ur smile makes me happy...I think it might be my favorite thing about u…

Buffy rolled her eyes, but couldn’t stop the grin that was slowly spreading across her face as she read Walker’s text. He had this way of making her feel....giddy? It was like her insides turned to jelly - but in the best possible way. 

BD 10:23 pm: My smile huh? Not my mad grilled cheese skills? 2 think u thought u’d eaten the best there was at that corner cafe. Pshhhh. They’ve got nothing on me. 

WB 10:24 pm: TRUTH. I was kinda blown away - urs were by far superior. Lol, not that I’m surprised. All I had 2 do was set the bar with the 1 from the cafe and let ur competitive nature take over. Maybe that was my plan all along… ;) 

BD 10:25 pm: I’m not competitive. I’m just hyper focused on being the best. Completely different things.

WB 10:25 pm: Uh huh. Okay. Lol. We’ll just go back 2 talking about your smile. Which... I feel like I haven’t seen much over the last week. U ok?

Buffy tensed up immediately. She wasn’t sure there was enough time in the world to explain to Walker how she was feeling. On one hand, she was insanely happy. The two of them were becoming closer everyday and having a lot of fun together at the same time. It wasn’t stressful, there wasn’t drama, they were just getting to know each other...sure, there was a fair amount of flirting too, but overall it was innocent, fun and new. Making history with a girl’s basketball team at Jefferson was proving harder than she thought it would be, but she was making headway, and she had found an unlikely ally in T.J. 

There was really only one part of her life that wasn’t...right. It was her friendship with Andi. She couldn’t remember a time where things between them had felt so strained. There had been little acknowledgement of the issue between them, they were pretending everything was fine, but both of them knew they were the furthest thing from fine. Just thinking about the tension made Buffy’s chest tighten. She didn’t know how to fix things. She understood why Andi was hurt, but she also felt like she had given her best attempt at honesty and at trying to take Andi’s feelings into consideration. Unfortunately, Andi wasn’t being real about how she felt, and Buffy was left to guess. She was confused, angry, sad and she missed her best friend. She had once compared herself, Cyrus and Andi to an ecosystem of sorts, and it had never felt truer than now. When one struggled, they all struggled. 

BD 10:29 pm: I’m good. Busy being a game changer, crushing gender norms - you know how it is.

WB 10:30 pm: U miss Andi. We may be new at this friendship thing Buffy, but I’m not dumb. It’s my fault in a way. I can offer to walk away and we can pretend we never started doing whatever “this” is...but I’d be lying if I said it wouldn’t be really hard for me. Andi never stopped talking about u when her and I would hang out...I was blown away by the friendship that u, Cyrus and her had. It was clear when u moved that ur impact in their lives was beyond any friendship that I’ve ever been a part of. And now...I’m getting to see y. I don’t want u 2 lose Andi...but I don’t want 2 not do whatever it is we’re doing either. 

Elation and sadness were both vying for dominance in Buffy’s heart. Walker seemed to genuinely like her...and that felt pretty great. But he was right about Andi and the impact it was having on her. She felt lost.

BD 10:34 pm: I miss her, but she and I will figure it out. It might take time but we’ll get there. And for the record, I don’t want 2 not do whatever it is we’re doing either. Talk 2morrow? 

WB 10:35 pm: U got it. Sleep well.

Buffy sighed and put her phone under her pillow in favor of staring up at the ceiling. She hoped that Andi knew that she would never give up on their friendship. She just wanted her friend to be honest with her - but instead it seemed like she had simply replaced Buffy with Amber. How quickly things had changed. Just a few shorts months ago Buffy was staring at the ceiling of her bedroom in Phoenix, reading endless texts and listening to strings of voicemails from Andi and Cyrus - she felt so loved and missed. She hadn’t responded because she didn’t know how to process the sadness she felt. She still felt guilty about that. Now she was only blocks from Andi physically, but it felt like there was an ocean between them. The irony was almost comical.

After being lost in thought for close to an hour, Buffy felt her eyes slowly start to droop closed. She was just drifting off when she remembered she had forgotten to do something, there was one thing she did every night without fail. She pulled her phone out from underneath her pillow, and found her text message thread with Cyrus.

BD 11:49 pm: Nite Cy. I know it’s late and u won’t see this until morning - sorry, I got wrapped up with something. Love u.

She hit send and was asleep within seconds, although her phone lit up only a minute later displaying an incoming message.

CG 11:50 pm: HA! Maybe I’m not as predictable as u and Andi think. I’m embracing my inner night owl these days. We don’t have 2 talk about the fact that u not texting me goodnight yet was really messing with my routine. Who am I kidding? I’m totally predictable. I just can’t sleep. Love you 2 Buff. More than u know.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Let me know your thoughts!


	4. Night Time Thoughts: Jonah

Night Time Thoughts: Jonah

Ping. 

Ping.

Ping. 

Disoriented and bleary eyed, Jonah reached over and grabbed his phone from his nightstand, glancing out his bedroom window as he did so. It was pitch black outside. He unlocked his phone, revealing a string of text notifications from various senders. He swiped right to see that there were 3 from Libby, 1 from Buffy, another from Cyrus, 1 from Bowie and finally, a single text from Andi. 

He sat up and rubbed his eyes, trying to get rid of the feeling that he had just been hit by a truck. There was no frisbee practice after school today, and he had had no other plans, so when he walked in the door at 3:30pm he went straight to sleep. He knew better than to nap after school - but it seemed much easier than dealing with...well dealing with anything really. His life felt messy lately, and Jonah despised complicated. 

He picked up his phone from beside him and began to open the messages. Libby’s had gone unread the longest as she had texted him around 430, right after he had fallen asleep. The first was a link to a YouTube video, followed by 2 quick texts.

Libby 429pm: Thought you’d find this funny  
Libby 531pm: Or not….noted lol

He typed back a quick reply. / Srry, I wasn’t feeling good after school, I was asleep. Talk 2 u 2morrow / 

Not surprisingly, Buffy’s was a request to hang out later in the week so she could show him up with some new tricks she’d been perfecting on his old board. He chuckled in spite of himself - he appreciated her predictability at least. A reply could wait, he’d see her in biology tomorrow and hopefully he’d have enough energy to accept her challenge and dish her back some of her own trash talk. 

Cyrus’ was next:

Cy-Guy: Hey JB - we haven’t hung out since I made u paddle me back to shore all by urself. Yeah, yeah I know u weren’t shocked. Wanna come hang out at my dad’s place? You could beat me at ping pong with baby taters after? Playing referee to Buffy and Andi is getting old, so just us. The girls don’t need to know...but if they catch us I’m telling them it was all ur idea. 

 

Jonah shook his head slightly and replied back to Cyrus.

/Hey Cy-Guy, ur on. Name the time. The girls would probably assume it was my idea anyways, you’re safe ;) /

Bowie was simply sending Jonah a reminder about his guitar lesson tomorrow and adjusting the time by a half hour. Jonah updated the time in his phone calendar and deleted the text. 

Finally, suppressing the urge to delete it without even opening it, he tapped Andi’s message open.

Andiman: Things r weird with us. I don’t like it.

Jonah flopped back onto his bed and scrubbed his hands across his face. Weird was an understatement. In a way, he wished he were as oblivious to the world around him and to people’s feelings as he had been when he and Andi met. Sure, it had caused some problems, but overall it was so much easier. 

He had spent a lot of years suppressing any emotion other than happiness. He didn’t even really have a good reason, other than everyone else seemed happy when he was happy, so he went with it. Jonah had a difficult time processing other people’s anger, sadness and disappointment. He always felt compelled to try and fix everything, and that wasn’t always possible - so instead his strategy was simply to keep everyone happy. This included himself. Negative emotions stressed him out, so he just pushed those thoughts down deep hoping to not have to deal with them. After awhile it became second nature to observe life from this somewhat disconnected vantage point. 

And then Andi Mack had walked into his life, and his carefully crafted facade slowly but surely started to crack, coming to a crescendo at Cyrus’ Bash Mitzvah when he had to face some of the most intense feelings of his life. He had been hit so hard and so suddenly when he saw Andi with Walker, and then again that same evening when she spoke words so honest and painful to him that he thought for sure he would never be able to pretend to be happy again. 

The panic attacks started that night and hadn’t quit since. The frequency depended on his stress levels and how much he was able to distract himself. Music was his favorite form of distraction because it also helped him process how he was actually feeling. Sometimes this was a good thing - but other times writing songs about how he felt just forced him to feel those suppressed emotions with a magnitude he wasn’t prepared for. 

 

In the quiet darkness of his bedroom, alone, Jonah could now admit that Andi Mack had changed him, and there was likely no turning back. She was one of the first girls he had ever met that looked beyond his smile and dimples - and saw his flaws. As much as it hurt him, both times that she had rejected him had been because she was so incredibly self-aware that she put who she was and what she wanted to be ahead of temporary happiness. It wasn’t as if it had been easy for her, that much had been obvious. And now they were attempting to navigate a friendship - one that was complicated by new crushes and old feelings and their shared circle of friends.

The Good Hair Crew. Jonah knew how lucky he was that through everything he and Andi had navigated, he was still welcome among them, and even supported by Cyrus and Buffy. The three had cultivated their friendship over YEARS, and yet he had been accepted quickly as a part of them. He wasn’t shown the door when he messed up. Not when he did or said stupid things to Andi, not when he told Cyrus and Buffy about his panic attacks, not even when he left for 8 weeks with practically no notice. They were just genuinely happy when he was back home. For the first time ever, he had friendships that did not feel conditional - thanks to the pixie haired girl who saw him as more than just the popular athletic kid. 

So yes, things were weird between them. He didn’t know how to explain to himself or to her the immense weight of his feelings for her. He wasn’t even sure that they were romantic feelings - he hadn’t been lying to her when he said he just wanted to be friends - they clearly had hit roadblock after roadblock when they were “together”, and so, he reasoned, maybe friendship made the most sense. He tried to ignore the fact that on occasion his heart would still flip flop in his chest when she smiled or that whenever he saw her struggling over all of this Buff/Walker drama he wanted to give her the biggest, longest hug ever and tell her that things would be okay. 

He took a deep breath. It was clear that he hadn’t figured out exactly how Andi fit in his life, but one thing was clear. She was one of the most important people in his world for reasons she didn’t even know. Maybe one day he’d be able to make more sense of his feelings and he’d be capable of sharing, but for now he would have to settle with the realization that while not all feelings were easy to process, they all were a part of him - and he had Andi Mack in part to thank for that. It felt a little bit like a piece of him had been found, centered possibly.

He picked up his phone and replied to Andi’s text.

/Hey Andiman - I know, things r weird. I don’t like it either - but the good things r never easy right? We’ll get there./

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still haven't decided where I think Jonah and Andi will end up, but they have SOMETHING...either deeply rooted friendship, or maybe, with time, a romantic relationship that actually works. I want to stay as canon as possible, so I haven't chosen yet. Also, I find Jonah super hard to write. We know so little of his back story and what lies beneath the surface, which i think is intentional - I feel like the remaining episodes will give him a lot of depth.


	5. Night Time Thoughts: T.J.

Friday, 11: 52 p.m. 

T.J. kept his eye on the basketball above him, waiting for it to fall into his hands before he tossed it back into the air again. He wondered for a moment if the soft echo of the ball being caught in his calloused hands could be heard beyond the confines of his bedroom - he assumed not. He’d been lying there tossing the ball into the air above him for close to 20 minutes now. His household remained quiet - he wasn’t surprised. He sometimes felt that he was the only one living under his roof who noticed anything. Everyone else was too wrapped up in their own lives to pay attention to anything beyond what was right in front of their faces. 

There was something about the feel of the basketball in his hands, the easy, mindless rhythm that kept him centered, focused even. It had always been this way, his easy relationship with the ball - he couldn’t even really remember learning how to play - it was as if he had always known how. The cork board above his desk was covered in photos - one of which showed a tiny T.J. , barely two-years old, a huge grin plastered across his face. He was holding a mini basketball and running into the arms of his grandfather. The photo expressed pure joy - it was one of the few childhood photos he actually had an attachment to. 

The only problem basketball had ever created in T.J.’s life was that it gave people completely the wrong idea about who he was. In a way it was comical to listen to people define him and be so incredibly off base. 

Jock. Popular. Handsome Athlete. Angry. Intimidating. Fearless. Arrogant.

None of these things were actually representative of who T.J. was - in so many ways he was completely the opposite. 

Yes, he was athletic. Most sports, but especially basketball, came naturally to him. He had to work hard to continue to improve, he didn’t take his talent for granted - but he would admit he was gifted. He held most of the school records at Jefferson for basketball, and he was proud of it. That being said, he wasn’t a jock - like at all. Most people just never bothered to look deep enough to notice. Part of that was his own doing - the last year had been particularly rough for T.J., for a lot of reasons. For the first time in a long time, he had felt as if he couldn’t find his footing - at home, at school, with himself...and the unfortunate result was that he had built some pretty strong walls to protect himself. He cringed thinking of the way that he had treated Buffy - it wasn’t really who he was at all...he had always been much more the type of guy that would stand up for girls, he had always detested “locker room talk” and held his team to a no tolerance standard. 

But the timing of Buffy’s operation “girl power” couldn’t have come at a worse time for him. He was struggling with math, like to the point where studying into the wee hours of the morning was doing absolutely nothing any more. Numbers were beginning to look like a foreign language on the page, and on top of it he was seriously questioning his sexual identity. Home was...well, it was home. The same as it had always been, but suddenly the disconnect he had always felt with his family made him feel trapped, almost claustrophobic. All in all it was scary, and overwhelming, and too much for him to process. He became someone he wasn’t, someone who fit the description of the words people used when talking about him - because it was easy. It was what people clearly expected of him, so he went with it. 

Around the time he was put on academic probation, he started to fear that he would never be okay again. At that point his anxiety had been through the roof, just getting through the school day had taken every ounce of energy he had. He took a leave from his job at the kid’s gym - he had managed to hold himself together there, but he had been afraid the days were numbered so he wasn’t about to hedge his bets. 

And then Cyrus had walked into his life...or swung into it as it were. The corners of his mouth upturned softly when he thought of the boy he now called his very best friend. His heart swelled at the thought. Cyrus had been able to reach through the darkness and the yuck, and help T.J. reclaim his old self. He had been so patient with the process, forgiving when T.J. made mistakes, cheering on his victories, and leveling with him when necessary. It was because of Cyrus that T.J. sought counseling...because Cyrus was being raised by mental health professionals, he attached no stigma to it. He actually saw it as responsible and strong to reach out for help, and so, with Cyrus’ parent’s help he found a counselor that was a perfect match for him. Counseling had been the final puzzle piece.

Six months had passed, and he no longer felt like a stranger in his own skin. The old T.J. had returned and that was a good thing. 

Once again all the words that people used to describe him became comical and so far from the truth of who he was - but it no longer bothered him. The people who mattered knew the the real him. Arrogant? Nah, not really. He had an easy confidence about him, it was true...what other people thought of him wasn’t incredibly important unless he had reason to respect them, which meant that he was more willing to take risks than most. That also meant that he was comfortable in most situations and got along with most people - so sure, from a typical middle school perspective he was popular. But he also knew that term was shallow and surface and didn’t account for what was most important - true friendships. Angry? Not anymore. He was human, for sure, he had rough days, but he wasn’t surly any longer. When it came to being considered intimidating, unless he was on the basketball court the mere notion was laughable. T.J. was, in reality (and he didn’t even really try to hide it) a total softie. He had always been more of the sensitive type. He still had trouble talking about his feelings, it wasn’t his default setting for sure. But with lots of practice and Cyrus’ help, he could have important conversations with minimal anxiety now. For example, he had apologized to Buffy for the terrible way he had treated her, and they had slowly become allies of sorts. He was so proud of the trail she was blazing and he helped her in every way that he possibly could. Andi was a harder nut to crack, but they got along well enough, and he had a personal goal of sorts to get to know her better. Regardless, the “Good Hair Crew” had accepted him, and he was building real relationships and it felt good. 

The only thing people thought about him that he really cared to set straight was the assumption that he was heterosexual. It irked him beyond belief. 

T.J. was gay. He’d known for a long time, looking back on it, and in the last year, with counseling he had been able to own it and be proud of it. He hadn’t ever been ashamed, just scared. Working through the fear was a process, but he was proud of how far he’d come. T.J. wasn’t trying to keep his sexuality a secret, but people and their damned generalities - it was just assumed. Not that he’d ever had a girlfriend, or given any girl any reason to believe he was interested in her as more than just a friend. And let’s be real...Buffy was the only girl he could even think about putting in that category. But he still didn’t think it was fair that in order to set the record straight it was almost as if he had to put an ad in the school paper. Instead he just continued to be himself, and he guessed that sooner or later people would figure it out.

He hadn’t actually ever even said the words to Cyrus - although he was pretty sure he knew. The only thing that stopped him was that he was almost certain that Cyrus was gay too...which was a good thing for a number of reasons - but he got the distinct vibe that Cyrus wasn’t ready to say it aloud yet, at least not to him. Instead they had a quiet understanding of sorts. 

In fact, Cyrus was the reason T.J. was staring at the ceiling pondering the last year of his life so intently. The younger boy had been picked up by his parents less than an hour ago, after spending all of the afternoon and evening at T.J.’s house. Normally on a Friday night Cyrus would have just stayed, but T.J. was playing in an away basketball tournament tomorrow, and needed to be at the school by 7 a.m. to board the team bus. 

With one final toss, T.J. sets the basketball on the ground next to his bed. His room seems empty now, smaller somehow without Cyrus’ infectious personality. He leans back onto his pillows, knowing he should sleep in order to be at his best tomorrow - the hours were quickly dwindling. His phone vibrates suddenly, disrupting his reverie. It’s a text from Cyrus.

 

Underdog: Night Teej...good luck tomorrow. I should be there by the start of your second game. I’m sorry I can’t be there for the whole thing - I never miss a game :(

Me: Cy, I’m just so grateful you’re coming at all. Thank you. 

Underdog: I wouldn’t miss it. Teej….are we…  
Me: Gonna talk about what’s happening? Are you ready to?  
Underdog: I don’t know. I’m scared.  
Me: There’s no rush. When we’re both ready...we’ll know.  
Underdog: Thank you T.J. I…  
Me: I know Underdog. Me too. G’night.  
Underdog: Night T.J.

With that, T.J. set his phone on his night stand. He could feel the heat in his cheeks. 

In many ways, tonight had been just like any other Friday when Cyrus was over. They ate pizza, played video games and watched TV. They had ended up in T.J.’s room sprawled on his bed, talking about everything and nothing all at once. And then, almost suddenly - the mood shifted palpably. They both became bolder, the joking became flirtatious, and the glances lasted longer. Neither of them looked away like they normally would have - unspoken words passing between them. Eventually, they ended up sitting side by side near the head of T.J.’s bed - Cyrus resting his head on T.J.’s chest, T.J.’s arm around him. They spoke not a single word, and stayed like that for what felt like forever. Cyrus’ stepmom pulled into the driveway at 11 o’clock tapping lightly on her horn. Both boys had wordlessly stood up and headed for T.J.’s front door. 

They would get there, T.J. knew. He had begun having feelings for Cyrus months ago - but he had assumed they were unrequited until the resolution of the gun situation. Something about the way that Cyrus had told him he was oblivious that day at the swings...it was like a light bulb going off in his brain. Cyrus liked him back. 

However, given that neither of them had officially come out to the other, it appeared that, just like their friendship, whatever was going to happen next wasn’t going to take the typical route either. T.J. was okay with that. 

He fell asleep with a soft smile on his lips - satisfied and a little scared, but anticipating whatever was coming next with a sense of excitement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can tell by the length of this chapter that T.J. is my favorite character - I find him so easy to write and I love his story arc. I may also go back and beef up Andi and Cyrus' chapters - they could use some more substance. Also, just to clarify, each chapter in this series has told the story of each character reflecting on something at night, on their own. However, it isn't the same night....I feel as though the instances have occurred over a period of weeks. Enjoy! I'd love a comment to know what you think!


	6. Unlikely Alliances: Andi

Unlikely Alliances: Andi

Andi opened the door to The Spoon, her eyes scanning the diner for anyone she might know. She figured if she chose a booth facing away from the door that she could sit by herself and wallow anonymously and without interruption. In reality, there wasn’t anyone to hide from though, she reminded herself. Buffy and Cyrus were both gone for the weekend with their respective families, Jonah was home grounded for failing a history test and Amber was celebrating a rare weekend off from work by having a sleepover with one of her friends from school. It was the perfect storm as far as Andi was concerned. She was having a really rough day and didn’t want to face anyone she knew, but - as was often the case recently - she also felt lost and alone. The noise and general bustle of The Spoon was oddly comforting. It was like being alone - but not. 

Andi placed her order at the walk-up counter, and then found a small two-seater booth in the very back of the restaurant. She sat down, pulled her earbuds out of her bag and attached them to her phone. Her eyes fluttered closed as she rested her head on the back of the seat, attempting to drown out all of her thoughts with the music. She didn’t even notice when the waitress set her milkshake down onto the table in front of her. It took a few minutes before she realized she was crying, almost as if her brain was two steps behind her body. She couldn’t figure out what was wrong with her lately. It was like she wanted to be one person, but her actions betrayed her - sometimes it felt like the things she did and said were coming from someone else. It was like having an out of body experience.

She looked down at her hands, fingernails painted meticulously in a kaleidoscope of colors, a thin, woven gold band sat upon her right ring finger - a gift from Bowie shortly after her parents got engaged. Andi touched it tenderly, thinking about how much it represented to her - the emotions were almost overwhelming. She took her headphones out. The music wasn’t helping, it was making things worse.

“Andi?” She looked up, swiping furiously at the tears tracking down her cheeks. The face looking back at her wore an expression of concern...but also of...trepidation? 

The voice belonged to none other than T.J. Kippen.

“Um...are you...are you okay?” he asked nervously, running his hand through his hair as he spoke. He looked at her for a moment, and then shifted his gaze to the wall behind her. When she didn’t answer, he made eye contact with her again, his green eyes soft and patient, but also unsure.

Andi quickly put her wall up. “Of course. I’m fine. It’s stupid. I mean -” She took a deep breath. “I..uh...long day”. What are you doing here?” 

He didn’t look completely convinced, but he let it go, at least for the moment. “I needed some air. I’ve been studying all day, my bedroom was starting to feel like a cage.” He shrugged, putting his hands in his pockets. “With Cyrus and Buffy both gone, it’s not like I had a ton of options, so, well, you can’t go wrong with a milkshake, am I right?” He gave her a small smile. 

She laughed in spite of herself and gestured at the table in front of her. “Obviously I agree.” She paused for a beat and then continued. “Studying? On a Saturday afternoon? That doesn’t really seem like your thing.”

He sighed, but he didn’t look angry...it was more like...he was... tired? 

“Can I sit?” he asked tentatively, clearly trying to gauge her reaction. 

She paused, but only for a second. “Have at it.” She made a sweeping motion with her hand towards the table.

He sat, his long legs partially sticking out into the walkway as he took a long sip of his shake, not looking at her directly. “It is my thing actually.” 

“Huh?” She was confused. 

“School. It...umm...it actually IS my thing.” 

“Oh. I-I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that. How would I know?” she began fidgeting with her ring.

“S’okay. You wouldn’t know - unless I told you. So I’m telling you. And honestly, I’m kinda used to the assumptions by now. But - uh - yeah, school’s really important to me. If it weren’t for the whole math thing” - he looked super annoyed for a split second - “I’d have a perfect 4.0 GPA.” He cleared his throat and smiled at her sheepishly.

“Seriously? That’s really impressive T.J.! I’m sorry - I don’t know why I assumed, I barely know you. I- uh - just- “ She trailed off, grasping at straws trying to justify her behavior, her cheeks turning pink as she spoke. 

He smiled at her warmly. “Andi, it’s okay. I get it. It’s the whole ‘dumb jock’ thing. I mean it’s a stupid generalization, but it’s a thing nonetheless. It doesn’t make me angry - I mean, for the most part I don’t really care what people think - and if I do care, well - then I just tell them.” He shrugged. “Easy enough. Besides, we all believe things based on generalities...we’re human.”

Andi felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. Who was this person sitting across from her? This was not the T.J. she knew...or thought she knew. But then again, why had she thought she knew him at all? She had based everything she thought about him on the short period of time that he and Buffy had played basketball together. She was nothing short of confused when he and Cyrus started hanging out but she never really contemplated it much. There was too much going on in her own life. He had apologized to time capsule Buffy and apparently taught Cyrus to do a somersault. Then there had been the whole gun scenario - she had been so angry at him then, and she had definitely thought the worst of him for a while, but then Cyrus had been uncharacteristically bold in telling her and Buffy that he and T.J. had worked things out, and it was obvious it wasn’t open for discussion. After that she noticed that even Buffy was getting along with him, but because she barely spent anytime with Buffy these days herself, she hadn’t really recognized what had become increasingly evident - T.J. was a part of their circle, and everyone else had started to truly get to know him, and she hadn’t even noticed. She suddenly felt terrible for being so wrapped up in her own life. Her eyes started to fill with tears, completely against her will.

T.J. looked up at her, alarmed. “Andi, hey. Hey. It’s okay - it’s not a big deal, I didn’t mean to make you upset, I -” he stopped talking when he could tell she was trying to gather herself enough to talk. 

Andi took a long, shaky breath. “I’m sorry T.J. - I’m so sorry I never bothered to really even acknowledge your presence. I’ve been so wrapped up in my own life, and in trying to figure out what’s happening to me, and why I keep doing things I don’t want to do and saying things I don’t mean and being angry at people I love and...I don’t know. I’m just sorry. I’m rambling now, I’ll stop.” She stared at the table, wishing it could open up and swallow her whole. 

“Because we’re teenagers.” He looked at her with his trademark smirk as if he’d just given her the answer to the most important question on an exam. 

“I’m confused. Because we’re teenagers what?” she looked at him quizzically. 

His expression softened, and his face was suddenly so open and kind. “That’s why you keep doing all of those things...it’s why you want one thing and do another, it’s why you feel like you can love people and hate them a moment later. We’re teenagers Andi - every single one of us feels the way you feel right now at one point or another. Try not to beat yourself up over it. Hormones or some shit I guess.” He chuckled, somewhat uneasily, but didn’t break eye-contact.

Andi couldn’t respond, she was so dumbstruck. How...when….who….? There was no way she could construct a sentence right now, she was too flabbergasted. 

He continued, a smile playing on his lips. “Surprise! T.J. has depth - in fact I might even be - gasp - HUMAN!” He feigned shock. 

 

 

She shouldn’t have laughed, not with how terrible she felt for being so oblvious to so much. But there was something about his easy countenance and demeanor that made it seem okay and so, without really thinking she broke into laughter - a full, wet, chuckle complete with teary eyes and runny nose. He handed her a napkin. She wiped her face as she slowly started to regain her composure. “Human huh? Who would’ve guessed? But yeah - I uh - I guess you are. Thank you T.J. - I think I really needed to hear that.”

T.J. smiled, but seemed to be debating what to say next. Finally he asked “Do you want to talk about it? I mean - I know you don’t really know me, at least not well, but I’m a pretty good listener. Sometimes it helps?”

Andi just stared at him for a beat, and then fired back albeit jokingly. “Let me guess, you’re a therapist too huh? Something else I didn’t know about you that I wouldn’t have guessed?” 

“Do I see a therapist? Yes. Am I a therapist? No....but judging by the look on your face, I’m guessing I’ve caught you off guard once again. I assure you Andi, I am full of surprises. Now, would you like to talk about it, or would you like me to leave you alone and let you continue on with whatever you were doing before I interrupted you?”

It was obvious from the expression that he was wearing that he was equally okay with whatever Andi’s decision might be. Just then her phone buzzed, the screen displaying an incoming message from Bex.

Mom: Hey kiddo, you doing okay? Coming home soon? I’m just checking on u.

Andi thought for a moment and then quickly typed out a response. 

Me: Yeah I’m okay. I ran into T.J. at The Spoon, we’re just talking. I might be awhile, but I’m good.

She hit send, put her phone down and took a deep breath. “Yeah...if you’re okay with it, I’d think I’d like to talk about it.” Shyly she looked up at the once stranger, now...almost...friend….sitting across from her.

He flashed his familiar cocky grin. “I’m all ears. Lay it on me Andi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7 will be the continuation of this conversation from T.J.'s P.O.V. Hope you enjoyed!


	7. Unlikely Alliances: T.J.

“I’m all ears. Lay it on me Andi.” 

 

T.J. looked at her expectantly, waiting. He hoped his face conveyed that he wanted to be there for her, however he could. The basketball player wasn’t even completely sure what prompted him to talk to her. He had spotted her as he was waiting for his to-go order - though she hadn’t seen him. It would have been easy enough to leave without her ever realizing he was there. There was something in her eyes, however, that made him think about that time when he had closed himself off from the world. If a listening ear had any chance of helping her avoid some of the darkness he had wrestled with, he wanted to offer it. Besides, hadn’t he just been telling himself that he needed to get to know her better?

 

She looked as though she didn’t know where to begin, fear and vulnerability flitting across her face. Finally, she took a deep breath. 

 

“The only part of myself that I still recognize is the part that is one-third of the Good Hair Crew,” she said, exhaling shakily before continuing. “And now Buffy and I are barely speaking - which means that Cyrus and I don’t talk as much either - he’s been put in the middle, which isn’t fair so I don’t blame him. But…I don’t know what to do without them T.J. - Buffy and Cyrus represent the only part of my life that feels normal and now - well - now it’s not.” The tears started falling again. 

 

T.J. handed her another napkin as he contemplated what to say first. 

 

“Sooo, you might have to catch me up on what’s going on with you and Buffy. I know things haven’t been awesome between you guys and that Walker has something to do with it - Cyrus has told me that much, and I hang out with all of you enough to notice the tension between you two - but what actually happened?” He hoped asking questions was allowed. 

 

Andi laughed bitterly. “That’s just it - nothing. And everything...all at once.” She stopped and looked at him. “You were at Cyrus’ Bar Mitzvah party right?”

 

“Yeah. I was there in the background, somewhere” he joked. “I didn’t know very many people, and for obvious reasons I had to stay clear of you and Buffy…” He hoped his face showed how much he regretted that time in his life. “But yeah, I was there.” 

  
  


“Right. Well, Walker was the caricature artist that night and he and I really hit it off.”

 

T.J. smacked his forehead with the palm of his hand. No wonder Walker looked so familiar! “That’s where I’d seen him before! I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure it out...he’s not easily confused with someone else - I was starting to feel crazy!”  

 

Andi nodded. “Yep. So anyways, Walker and I spent a fair amount of time together that night. He drew a photo of me, we danced, we laughed, it was a lot of fun…” she trailed off. 

 

I could tell there was more. “But?”

 

She sighed. “But….well Jonah and I had some drama that night too. I really had fun with Walker, but Jonah and I were in a weird place. We had a pretty intense conversation - I broke up with him actually. My emotions were all over the board, and I didn’t feel like it was the right time to meet someone new and Walker didn’t ask how to keep in touch with me, so I figured it was one night of some pretty good memories and I let it end there.”

 

Suddenly the pieces were all snapping into place in T.J.’s memory. He remembered finding Jonah, panic stricken and crying standing in front of the fountain the night of the Bar Mitzvah. He was clearly having a panic attack - T.J. had gone to get him help. He brought one of Cyrus’ two dads to Jonah (he couldn’t actually remember which one now...Todd?...Norman?....) and then immediately left to give the boy some privacy. He wondered if Andi breaking up with him had contributed to Jonah’s distress. Did Andi know about what happened to Jonah that night? 

 

He decided to leave the incident with Jonah for another time. “Okay...my timeline must be off then. I could’ve sworn that you and Jonah were together after the Bar Mitzvah.

 

Andi visibly cringed. “We were. Because Jonah and I were messy T.J…ARE messy. SO MESSY.  But that is definitely a story for another day.” 

 

T.J. laughed warmly. “Don’t worry Andi, messy is my signature. I feel you. Maybe another day I’ll let you in on some of my less than stellar moves - other than the ones you already know about of course. It’ll make you feel better I promise. Continue.” 

 

She actually almost smiled. “I’ll hold you to that. So, Walker tracked me down. He took me on a date, met the GHC and made me an incredible pair of hand-painted converse.” She looked almost wistful. “But then Jonah and I got back together - I’m leaving out a lot here, but this is the gist - so I told Walker I couldn’t see him or talk to him anymore. Jonah and I were together until summer started, then he left for two months to go to frisbee camp. I decided while he was gone that we just weren’t right for eachother. When he got home from camp we decided together to just be friends - but apparently during the summer Buffy and Walker started talking. He showed up to see her - here actually -” She gestured to the restaurant around them.” -  and that’s when I found out.” 

 

She paused to collect her thoughts. “And that’s when things went downhill. I told Buffy I was okay with it - because I should be. But I’m not. It hurts. I tried telling her the truth later - that spending time around the two of them was hard for me - but then he showed up at my house the day we were all supposed to go to the color factory together, telling me he wanted to figure things out, and I felt like a jerk so I told him to go - but then I didn’t show up. Inside I wanted Buffy to be upset that I wasn’t there, but it just seemed like they were having more fun without me. It hurt so much, but I also knew I was somewhat in the wrong because like, well - Walker and I actually barely even knew each other, and I chose Jonah over him - but I still don’t want him with Buffy because - well - because I have more in common with Walker than I ever did with Jonah, and so obviously I made the wrong choice - and it hurts and now he likes Buffy way more than he ever liked me and now I’ve screwed up all of my relationships and I have no one and I don’t know what to do!” 

 

Her brown eyes were swimming again as she ended her rant. She sighed softly as she fought to maintain her composure. I reached across the table and took one of her hands. “Can I?” I asked, worried she might be weirded out. After all, Andi didn’t know I was gay - I didn’t want her to think I was using her vulnerability as some stupid opportunity to flirt with her or something. “One of the things I’ve learned in therapy -” I gave her a teasing grin since it was obvious earlier that she hadn’t expected me to be the “therapy” type - “ is that physical contact can help ground us when we’re upset or scared.” 

 

Andi didn’t pull away, though I could tell she was confused - afraid of being deceived or misled. I took a deep breath. I couldn’t believe I was about to do this. I looked her directly in the eyes. “Andi, I’m gay. I promise you I have no ulterior motives.” 

 

Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to talk, but no sound came out. She looked at me, a mixture of shock and disbelief painted across her features. 

 

“ I told you I was full of surprises.” I said quietly. Suddenly I couldn’t look at her. This wasn’t the direction I had intended for this conversation to go, and now that it had, I wasn’t sure what to do. We continued to hold hands across the table. After some time - I’m honestly not sure whether it was minutes or seconds, I felt her tighten her grip on my hand. 

 

When she finally spoke, her voice was soft. “T.J., look at me please.” 

 

I lifted my eyes to meet hers. A look of determination had settled across her face. 

 

“Thank you for telling me, for trusting me. You didn’t have to, and the fact that you told me so that I’d know you weren’t just trying to flirt with me - well - that makes you, dare I say it...a gentleman?” She had a playful, teasing look on her face that broke the seriousness of the moment, which I was eternally grateful for. 

I blushed. “I do what I can,” I said, flashing her a cheeky grin that implied confidence I didn’t necessarily feel. “Look, we can come back to me. I’m willing to talk, at least a bit. But let’s get back to you first okay? Unless - do you have plans today? I don’t want to dominate your day.”

 

She shook her head. “Nope, this was my plan. Sit here, hide and feel sorry for myself. On repeat.” She smiled a little and shrugged. “I won’t lie. This is better - at least a little.” 

 

I chuckled, finally starting to feel the tension from my sudden revelation drain away. “I’ll take it.” I decided to proceed with caution. “Am I allowed to ask questions?” 

 

Andi looked surprised. “Ummm - I guess so, yeah.” She leaned back against the booth and waited while I chose my words carefully. 

 

I fiddled with the strings on my hoodie as I spoke. “You said that Buffy and Cyrus are the only part of your life that you still recognize...what did you mean?”

 

She wasn’t looking at me, instead she was playing with a gold band on her right ring finger as she spoke. 

 

“This town is small T.J. - and I was the talk of it for quite awhile. There’s no way you don’t know.”

 

“I don’t believe everything I hear Andi, and yeah, I know the basics from Cyrus, but it’s your story to tell - no one else’s.”

 

“It’s pretty straight forward. Until I was 13 I thought my grandparents were my parents and that I had a cool, wild and crazy sister who was 16 years older than me. Turns out...my sister is my mom and my parents are my grandparents.” She smiled almost bitterly. “It’s like my claim to fame or something.” 

 

I knew most of what she had told me, of course, I had spent too many nights with Cyrus talking into the wee hours of the morning to not know. But to hear it come from her, to have such a life-changing experience reduced to such simple terms - well, she wasn’t giving herself enough credit. 

 

“Andi - that’s like an insane amount of change. Like huge. I can’t imagine the shock to your system.”

 

She snorted sardonically. “That’s only the half of it. Then my...Bex and I moved into our own apartment. I finally got her to tell me who my dad was - her high school boyfriend. Without Bex or I knowing, my grandfather got in contact with him. Bowie - I’m assuming you know he’s my dad?” I nodded. “Bowie came back to Shadyside, and found out about me. After some time he decided to move back for good - he was falling in love with my mom all over again. It’s a bit of a long story, but there were a couple of mistimed marriage proposals, Bowie left to go on a 6 month international tour with the Renaissance Boys, came home 4 months early -  they proposed to each other AGAIN - they got it right this time though - and they’re getting married later this year.” She stopped talking, folded her petite hands together and placed them on the table in front of her. “So uh - that’s my story.” 

 

I contemplated for a moment. I couldn’t help myself when I finally spoke. “Holy Shit.” 

 

She started laughing - tentatively at first, but slowly it became a full on giggle.

 

“Damn Andi. No wonder you feel like you don’t know who you are! No wonder Cyrus and Buffy are your definition of normalcy. You have been through an insane amount in -” I paused and looked at her questioningly. “How long has it been?”

 

“A year.” 

 

“A YEAR? I don’t really have words. Look....just give yourself some credit okay? Not only are you a teenager, your entire life has been turned upside down. Your identity as you knew it for your entire life has been challenged. I mean, from what I hear your mom and dad sound like incredible people-” 

 

She interjected immediately. “They are. The best. Like I am the luckiest kid around. I have no right to feel this way.” The tears were threatening to return, I could tell.

 

“Andi, it doesn’t matter how GOOD things are, you have still been through an incredible ordeal. I am so impressed and blown away by your strength. I know that there isn’t anything I can do to make the Buffy situation better, but I think overtime it will work itself out. It might help if you  were honest with Buffy about how everything else in your life is affecting you. And I know you feel like your relationship with Cyrus is suffering too - but for what it’s worth, it isn’t. He’s simply waiting you guys out. You know he loves both of you more than anything.” I sincerely hoped I sounded sincere - because I was. Andi and Buffy were Cyrus’ world.

 

“He loves Buffy more” she stated simply.

 

I laughed. “What? No he doesn’t!”

 

She smiled a soft smile. “I guess it’s not that he loves her more, that wasn’t fair. They’ve just always been...I don’t know....like soulmates - but in the most completely platonic terms imaginable?” Now she was laughing again. “Does that make any sense?”

 

It did. “I think so yeah. They do have a special connection, for sure. But you have that with them too, you know.”

 

“I do - but with the two of them, it’s always been different. It’s like they’ve known each other for a hundred years - not seven. I’m okay with it actually, I know they both love me and I’d do anything for either of them. They’re a part of me.”

 

I took the last sip of my shake. “Then you need to trust that the three of you have what it takes to get through this. I have faith in you. I know Cyrus does too.”

 

She took a deep breath. “Thank you. You’re right. We’ll be okay.” She was fiddling with her ring again. “Umm-do I get to ask the questions now?” 

 

I smiled and put on my bravest front. “Sure, I guess turnabout is fair play. Shoot.” I really, really hoped I hadn’t just gotten myself into trouble.

 

She looked at me warmly, although she almost looked afraid. “How long have you known...that you were...you know...?”

 

“Gay?” Fortunately the word was getting easier for me to say, I didn’t trip over it anymore. “In all honesty, I think I’ve known for a long time. But I didn’t really admit it to myself until this last year.” 

 

She nodded slowly. I could tell what was coming next.

 

“Does - does Cyrus know?” 

 

I smiled softly - trying to figure out the best way to explain the situation. I could feel my cheeks heating up. “Officially? No. But in unspoken terms….yeah, I think so.  But please don’t say anything to him. When the words are actually said out loud they need to come from me...It’s - a complex and confusing situation. Ugh. I’m sorry I’m being so vague. I just -” she interrupted me.

 

“T.J. - it’s okay. I get it. You don’t owe me an explanation, and even though I might be a little late to the ‘T.J. is a good guy’ party - it’s obvious that you care about him. And I trust both you and Cy to make the decisions that are right for you. Whatever those may be.”

 

It was my turn to be grateful. “Thank you so much Andi. You have no idea how much that means to me. Can I walk you home? It is the gentlemanly thing to do correct?” I winked at her with a teasing grin.

 

Andi laughed, standing up. “Only if you’ll let me give you a hug first.”

 

“How could I say no to that?” I replied with a smile, my arms wrapping around her tightly for a beat before I motioned towards the door. “Shall we?”

 

*******************************************************************************************************************************************

Later that night, as T.J. was lying in bed thinking about the strange turn of events the day had taken he picked up his phone and texted Cyrus.

 

/Hey Underdog...I hope ur having a good trip with ur family. I ran in 2 Andi 2day - she was having a rough time. We ended up talking 4 like 3 hours. I tried really hard 2 b a good friend - I hope u know how much she loves u. I just wanted u 2 know that I’m trying with her - she’s a really strong girl. I guess I just wanted 2 say that I know things will work out with all of u guys and thank u for sharing ur world with me./

 

It took a few minutes, but eventually he received a reply. 

 

/Teej...thank u. Yes, Andi is so strong and she doesn’t always c it. I can’t believe u talked for 3 hours! That was so sweet of u. You didn’t even do it for me and I’m crying...I can’t imagine how Andi felt. Just thank u./

 

/Underdog...of course I did it for you./

 


	8. Unlikely Alliances: Buffy

Unlikely Alliances: Buffy

Buffy jumped, shooting the ball with a dramatic flick of her right hand. She watched as it circled the rim and fell through the net. She headed to retrieve it, and checked her watch. She’d been at the park for close to an hour, attempting to stop the never-ending cycle of thoughts that had been plaguing her all day.

Suddenly there was a voice behind her. 

“And the crowd went wild! The Slayer does it again folks!”

She turned to see Jonah Beck sitting on the steps at the edge of the basketball court, skateboard resting on the ground beside him. He pretended to clap in slow motion.

Buffy smirked. “Hey! If I’d known you wanted me to show you up I would’ve brought my board! Unless you’re up for some one-on-one?”

Jonah laughed good naturedly. “It never stops with you, does it?” He shook his head. “Nah, not in the mood to get creamed by the Slayer today, I’m good with being a spectator.”

She shrugged and sat down on the step next to him. “Your loss. What’s up with you? I feel like I haven’t seen much of you lately.” It was true - with everything that had gone on with she and Andi as of late, there hadn’t been very many group hang outs. When did things get so complicated?

Jonah absentmindedly played with the wheels on his skateboard. “Yeah, I’ve been busy. You know - frisbee, guitar, Libby.” 

Buffy sat down on the step next to him and sighed. “Funny how things change huh? Everything feels so complicated lately.” Those complicated feelings - and the desire to avoid them - is what had brought her to the park herself, hoping for a distraction.

“Complicated. That’s one way to put it,” he answered her, a tinge of bitterness to his voice, though he quickly tried to mask it with a smile.

Buffy thought for a moment. “Are you and Andi talking right now?” she asked him quietly.

He took a moment before replying. “Surprisingly yes. I really thought the whole Libby thing was going to make things beyond awkward, but somehow, it hasn’t. They seem to really get along and Andi has been super chill. I mean, it was a bit weird at first, but I think we’re on the other side of that now. I could ask you the same thing though.” Jonah’s eyes met hers, awaiting a response.

Buffy chuckled softly. “Yeah, I guess you could....We’re not NOT talking...but to be completely honest I’m not entirely sure what that means.” She could feel the torrent of emotion that she had been denying for weeks trying to bubble it’s way to the surface. Jonah was definitely not the person that she expected to be having this conversation with, but she wasn’t sure it was even possible to continue acting like nothing was wrong. She felt like a bottle being uncorked. Cyrus was her usual confidante, but because her and Andi weren’t getting along he seemed to be splitting his time between them. This - in conjunction with the fact that he also seemed to be spending an awful lot of time with T.J. lately -meant that Buffy was seeing him far less often, and in turn, she had been burying her feelings even deeper than normal. Cyrus and Andi were the only people she ever let her guard down with. 

“She’s infuriating me! How am I supposed to know what she wants if she won’t tell me?!” The words flew out of her mouth before Buffy could stop them. She looked at Jonah, her eyes wide. “Sorry - I - uh - I’ve clearly been holding that in.” 

Surprisingly, Jonah seemed unphased by her sudden outburst. He nodded. “Yeah, she can be hard to figure out. I’ll give you that. I don’t think she does it on purpose, really. But regardless it can be tough to deal with.” 

“That’s the thing though,” Buffy countered. “If it’s not on purpose then why not just tell me how she’s feeling? Why the pretending, why say one thing and mean another? I just don’t get it.” Her voice with laced with the frustration she’d been holding in. It felt good to say it out loud, but she also felt incredibly guilty - like she was betraying Andi somehow.

“I think you’re far more qualified to answer that than I am Buffy. You’ve known her for more than half your life. I’ve only been around a year. And really, do I notice things? I think we both know that I’m kind of oblivious.” He grew quieter as he said the last part, once again avoiding eye-contact. 

“I think you see more than you admit to be honest Jonah. I also think you feel more than you admit.” Whoa. The things that were coming out of her mouth were highly unfiltered. She made a mental note to never go this long without having a heart to heart with Cyrus - the lack of emotional outlet she’d been experiencing was clearly making her a loose cannon. 

Jonah cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I - uh - well...I….yeah.” He sighed a deep, weary sigh. “Yeah, I do see more than I let on. But really, what does it matter? Just because I notice things doesn’t mean I need to talk about them. Those conversations are usually not fun at all. Awkward, emotional, embarrassing? Sure. But fun? Not so much.” 

Buffy was absentmindedly twirling one of her curls around her finger. “I get that. I’m pretty good at avoidance too. The ONLY people I typically have serious conversations with are Cyrus and Andi. And even them sometimes I have a hard time. I mean, look at how I handled moving. Obviously I wasn’t awesome about talking about my feelings then.”  
The boy adjusted the skateboard at his feet. “And yet...here we are.” He looked at her expectantly, an amused grin gracing his features.

Buffy nodded in agreement. “Exactly. Must mean I’m desperate. Someone has to be able to explain Andi’s actions to me...she’s your ex and somehow she seems less upset about you having a girlfriend than she is about me dating her not really ever ex. What gives?” She was trying to give her voice a joking tone, but part of her was serious. She missed Andi and she wanted to fix things, but she had no idea why her friend was acting the way she was. 

“Maybe because she never really liked me that much to begin with?” Jonah replied, although his face had more of an amused expression than one of seriousness. 

She giggled and elbowed Jonah in the ribs. “Jonah! That’s not true!” 

He laughed a full laugh this time. “I know, I know. I’m kidding. I’m not sure I have an answer for you though as to why. I mean, why didn’t you talk to her and Cyrus about how you were feeling   
when you moved?”

She stiffened for a moment while she thought. “I guess I just wasn’t comfortable with the emotions that I was feeling and I was afraid to talk about them. Also...I was going through a lot at the time. My emotions in general were all over the board.” 

Jonah nodded, seeming to understand. “Makes sense. But if you really want me to talk about the things that I’ve witnessed and what I think then I have a question for you.” 

“Okay…” She waited.

“Didn’t Andi just get new parents and a new place to live?” 

“Yeah...but what does that -Oh. Okay, you might be onto something.”

“I’m just saying, her world has been a bit crazy to say the least. Might have something to do with why this has been hard on her. I’m not saying you’re in the wrong - I think you’re more than okay to date Walker actually, but talking to Andi about what she’s been through might help the whole thing.” 

Buffy was quiet for a beat. “You do see a lot. I’m impressed.” 

He shrugged, “Eh, I’m bound to get things right once in a while.”

“Have you told her about the panic attacks yet?” 

Jonah immediately stiffened. “No” His voice was quiet...barely a whisper. “I-I can’t. Not her or Libby. Please.” His eyes were pleading.

She put her hand on his shoulder. “Hey. I’m not going to say anything. It’s not my place, Cy and I promised you a long time ago we wouldn’t and we haven’t betrayed your trust yet right?”

He shook his head in agreement, but she could swear his hands were shaking. “But Jonah...why? It’s not anything to be ashamed of.” 

His reply came surprisingly quickly, his voice raw. “How long have you got?”

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own the characters, I just get to play in their Universe.


End file.
